Midnight Train

Night has always been the hardest part. I'm haunted by the past. My subconcious won't shut down, it won't let me sleep. Terrifying, horrible, disgusting nightmares that haunt my waking life every moment. I can't hardly talk about it, Frank's asked me about it, he's woke me up from sleep, caught me doing strange things. He finds me trying to dig holes in the ground, trying to uncover this treasure or whatever. I'm haunted by the ghost of this quest. I'm always searching, always trying to find this answer, even in my dreams.

As my eyes open, I survey the current scene. Fire still smoking from the night before, sunlight desperately trying to break through the tall redwood trees, and the dirt bed I slept on. I'm covered in red bumps from the bug-infested rotted bark I had to use as my blanket. God, I wish I had answers, I wish I knew what I was looking for. I'm itchy, I'm hurting, my shoulder is killing me, I hate that I have to sleep on that side. None of it matters I suppose, I should get up. I look across the fire and see where Frank is sleeping, but he's not there. Every time he disappears I hope he just got wise and left me to my own devices. I never understood why he joined me in this quest anyways. Still, sometimes I wish his presence was more reliable, I sort of wonder whether or not he's been killed by some wild animal.

I turn to push myself off of the ground, my shoulder is killing me today, and covered in bites. Nothing matters except the quest, the truth, the answer. I guess I'll walk. There's a road nearby, I could follow that and maybe get picked up hitch hiking. I can't help but feel like I've been here before. I've seen this area. I feel like I'm walking in circles. I've spent so many nights in these wooded areas, still this one seems more familiar than I've felt in a long time. I remember this place. I've been here before. Am I walking in circles? Or is this actually a lost memory resurfacing?

My mind starts swirling. I haven't tread on familiar ground since long before I can remember. I always just travel, always searching. Something tells me I just have to look around. Some of these trees are hollowed out and things can be hidden in, and there are so many small hiding places. Excitement overtakes me. I start tearing bark off of some trees like a wild animal looking for a meal after hibernating. I know something's here, something has to be here. There has to be some reason that I remember this place.

Hours pass. This no longer looks like a campsite, it's more of a nature-filled crime scene. Trees with their skin ripped right off of them, leaves and needles scattered everywhere like the blood of the trees spilled on the ground, and I'm covered in sap. I'm exhausted. Throwing all this tree mess around like a savage beast wore me out. I haven't found anything. I wish I could just find whatever is here. I flop into a seated position in a pile of leaves that accumulated. Tears burst forth at some point, I hadn't even noticed. The frustration of it all sent the emotions to the foreground without a prewarning. Bastard things, these emotions. They never get you anywhere, never do you any good, just a useless, genetic virus that every human just has to deal with.

"Hey, look what I found this morn..." Frank walked in as my emotions surfaced, "ing....what the hell happened here?"

"Nothing, Frank, leave it alone." I don't know why I'm always pushing him away.

"Nothing looks a lot like an emotional tantrum targeted at these trees. What's going on here?

"I...thought I remembered this place, thought I left something here...a long time ago maybe.

"Could it be this?" Frank holds up a train set. It's tattered, beaten up like it's been played with by a child who loved this toy very much. It also look like it's been buried for many years.

"Where have you been? I always wonder where you go."

"Why? You worried about me?" Frank said jokingly. He knows I keep him at a distance.

"I remember this place, I remember this toy, it was mine."

"Woah!" Frank is excited, this is our first big lead. "So what does it mean, then? Is our adventure over? Is this what you've been looking for?"

"If it was I wouldn't know, Frank. Stop all the questions. This is important, I have to think."

"Are you crying? (damn, he noticed) "what's going on with you? Frank's all too concerned.

"Just leave it alone, stop asking questions. I've got to figure this out." My speech inflects my annoyance and resolve. This train set is not what I'm looking for. But i think it's part of it. It has to be if I left it here, it's supposed to tell me something. All I know is that this little train set, with which I played with for hours as a child, feels like a piece of me. I wouldn't have thrown it away. It means there's more. So to answer your question Frank, if this is the end of my journey, I would have to actually have to answer, this is just the beginning.

"How so?" Frank asked.

"It's a clue, from me. We need to get to the city."